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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24663382">Grinning Goblins: Hermione’s Alternative Visit</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/faewm/pseuds/faewm'>faewm</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Grinning Goblins [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gen, a bit of bashing of British Magicals, just general fun</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 04:53:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,577</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24663382</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/faewm/pseuds/faewm</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Hermione acted a bit more like she does in canon? What if she brought her parents? And they were just like her, or well, she was just like them. Still, things turn out a bit different.<br/>A quick little one-shot. It’s supposed to be funny, maybe a bit crackish.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Grinning Goblins [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1943998</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>97</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Grinning Goblins: Hermione’s Alternative Visit</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Minerva McGonagall was having a very bad day. She was used to taking muggleborns around, and their parents, but this family was going to be the death of her. They would not stop asking questions. And the questions they asked were nigh on unanswerable. What heck was science, and why did they think that magic was just a small part of it.</p><p>She was sitting on the couch in the Grangers’ living room. She had already turned the table into a lion, and herself into a cat, and they were still disbelieving.</p><p>“What can I do to help you understand that magic is real?” she asked with a heavy sigh.</p><p>“Well,” said Dan Granger thoughtfully, “you could make some money?” he suggested, thinking that if magic were real then one could get rich easily. Not that they needed money, he and his wife were high-end dentist.</p><p>“That, sir, is illegal,” Minerva snapped, offended that the man would suggest such a thing.</p><p>“It would prove that magic is real,” the man said with a shrug.</p><p>“I can conjure something else,” McGonagall stated, waving her wand and making a goblet appear on the coffee table.</p><p>“Illusions,” Emma Granger said, dismissively.</p><p>“No,” Hermione disagreed slowly as she leaned forward and picked up the cup. “It’s real,” she said, handing the item to her mum. The parents passed the cup between them and then sighed.</p><p>“Okay, we’ll give you the benefit of the doubt, but I want to go with you while you take my little girl to this Diagon Alley,” Dan said, getting up and grabbing his keys and wallet.</p><p>“Yes, we are not going to let some stranger take our child anywhere alone,” Emma agreed, getting her purse.</p><p>“But I cannot Apparate four people,” Minerva protested.</p><p>“Then I guess we will be driving,” Dan said, going to the door.</p><p>McGonagall sighed again, she seemed to be doing that a lot today. She followed the family to the automobile and slid in the back seat next to Hermione.</p><p>Hermione showed her how to buckle in and then proceeded to ask a thousand questions about Hogwarts. It was a long ride for the professor.</p><p>They finally reached Charing Cross road, and Dan found a place to park. They walked to the Leaky Cauldron, and the Grangers all made faces.</p><p>“This is your entrance?” Emma asked, getting Handi Wipes from her purse. She wasn’t going to touch anything if she could help it. She gave one each to her family and said, “Hermione, wipe off anything you even think is going to touch you.”</p><p>“Yes, mum,” the little girl said, armed for battle with germs. She just hoped magical ones could be combatted the same way as non-magical.</p><p>Minerva didn’t even bat an eye. She really didn’t care what these strange people were talking about. She stiffly led them into the pub, and without stopping went out the back entrance.</p><p>The Grangers kept their wipes in hand and followed.</p><p>McGonagall tapped the bricks and without fanfare said, “Follow me. We must go to Gringotts and get your money exchanged.”</p><p>“Why?” Dan asked, thinking over how much money he had on hand.</p><p>“We don’t use muggle money,” she sniffed.</p><p>“But it’s the Queen’s money, what do you mean you don’t use it? You’re British, well Scottish, still under the Queen’s rule,” Emma stated as they walked along.</p><p>Hermione was running to keep up with the adults, looking around at everything she could. It was all fascinating, she truly hoped that she could learn it all.</p><p>“We have not been under Royal Rule since The Statute of Secrecy came into play in 1692,” the professor explained, not slowing down one bit. The sooner she got this family settled the better.</p><p>“Wait! you mean to tell me your world committed treason?” Dan said, stopping right in the middle of the cobblestone street. His family stopping too.</p><p>“Of course not, we have a treaty with the Royal family. We were given leave to govern ourselves,” the irate professor snapped.</p><p>“And what of Hermione? Will she too not be a British citizen after she joins your school?” Dan wanted to know. He really didn’t like the sound of this. He was already having doubts, but this. No, just no.</p><p>“She will be a witch,” was all the answer he got.</p><p>“I’m not sure it like the sound of that,” Emma said echoing her husband’s thoughts. She looked thoughtfully at all the magical people who were walking by, trying to listen in. Her eyes narrowed, and they quickly moved along.</p><p>“If Hermione goes to Hogwarts, she will under the protection of the Ministry of Magic,” Minerva said, trying to get them to understand.</p><p>“And who does your Minister answer to?” Dan asked, folding his arms and tapping his foot in agitation.</p><p>“The Minister answers to the muggle Prime Minister,” she said, with a tilt of her head, wondering where the man was going with that question.</p><p>“And the Prime Minster answers to the Queen, kind of. Therefore, you are British citizens and you should be using pound sterling,” the man said triumphantly.</p><p>“No,” McGonagall said slowly, “We are under our own rule,” she reiterated. She couldn’t understand why he wasn’t getting that.</p><p>“I don’t like that thought at all,” Emma mumbled once again.  </p><p>“Why don’t we exchange your money? Then you can purchase a few books and learn our culture,” the professor said, turning and heading towards Gringotts again.</p><p>The family looked at one another and followed along reluctantly.</p><p>The Grangers flinched back at the first sight of the goblins, but then curiosity got the better of them and they converged on the poor creature.</p><p>“Hello, how are you? What species are you? Do you have to stand out here all day? Why is everyone looking at you funny? Do you ever stick people with that spear? Can you tell us why wizards don’t use pound sterling?” on and on the questions went from the three Grangers, not once stopping for an answer.</p><p>The goblin held up his hand and they stopped throwing questions at him. “I am merely a guard,” he started, “so, I can only answer a few of your questions. First, I am a goblin. Yes, I stand here all day, for eight hours. No, I have never had to use my spear, though I am trained to. The people look at us funny because they are idiots,” he said, answering those that he could.</p><p>“Sorry,” the three Grangers muttered.</p><p>“I’m ever so excited to learn all about you,” Hermione added, bouncing up and down.</p><p>“If you ask the teller, he can give you a list,” the guard said, waving them in the bank.</p><p>Once they left the two guards looked at each other and burst out in laughter, making the magicals around them run for cover. It’s never a good thing when goblins laughed.</p><p>McGonagall led the to the exchange line, and they stood there for ten minutes only moving when the line did. Finally, they got to the front and the family moved forward quickly.  They all started asking their question, until the teller held up his hand.</p><p>“One at a time, please,” he said, then pointed to Dan.</p><p>“Why don’t magicals use pound sterling? Why should I hand over my hard-earned money to this bank at a rate that is abysmal?” the man asked, having gotten the convergent rate from the professor.  </p><p>“When the Ministry went into hiding, it was many years before they went into the non-magical world. During that time of self-exile, it was decided that they would create their own money. As to the exchange rate, it is from many years ago, and has not been changed yet,” the goblin said, reaching under his desk. “Here are the titles of some books that explain it. Well, as well as they think they can.”</p><p>“Thanks,” Dan said, taking the list and handing it to his wife, so she can put it in her purse. “How much should we exchange for the number of books it would take to understand why we should send Hermione to Hogwarts?”</p><p>“I would say, fifty pounds, that will give you ten galleons. More than enough for just books,” the teller said.</p><p>“Great,” Dan said, holding out the bills.</p><p>They exchanged the money and left the bank. Going to the bookstore and buying the books that looked like they’d have answers, the Grangers went home, after telling McGonagall that they had not made up their mind.</p><p>The professor left conflicted. On one hand, the girl was a genius. On the other hand, she was a menace.  She wasn’t sure which she preferred, the child not coming or coming.</p><p>The Grangers read the books and decided to see what other options they had. There was an address for the ICW, so the wrote to them about other cultures, or schools that would be better for Hermione. After receiving many books and brochures they decided to pack it up and move to Australia. Where the magical and non-magical governments worked together. They had to choose between it and the colonies. In the end they pick Australia because it was closer to their culture. Not quite the same, but not a far apart at the USA would have been.</p><p>Since Hermione never attended Hogwarts, Harry Potter didn’t pass the many tests that Dumbledore had fashioned for him. Everyone died. Even Voldemort. The whole of the British Magical World imploded.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Okay the ending is a bit of a stretch, but I was being funny.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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